All of us would like our children to be successful in life, starting with their school results. As such, we are often reluctant to praise our children for their success, worrying they will become complacent and stop trying to do their best.

Is it possible to offer praise and keep a child motivated? Two things which have always motivated me include: Firstly, knowing I have had success when I strove hard for something. Secondly, praise from people whom I respect.

As parents, with our wealth of experience and objectivity, it is easy to reflect on what motivates us. How can we apply this knowledge to our children in a practical way?Sometimes, we feel ourselves repeating endlessly the same mantras to our children until they (and we) become despondent.

Have you ever seen the poignant face of a child when openly admonished by parents in front of others? His confidence is being eroded while others feel his shame. Rather than criticizing and comparing their performance with their cousins, classmates or neighbors, why don¡¯t we turn the tables? I f we work on the assumption that success impinge on confidence, our approach towards our children will be quite reversed.

Being confident means believing that one can firmly rely or trust one¡¯s ability, whereas to have success involves achieving a desired aim. Therefore to succeed,one must have confidence to set goals and remain motivated to meet those goals.

Setting realizable goals

Spend some time researching your child’s strengths and weaknesses. Speak with his teacher. Objectively analyze your child’s limitations. This is important to help him set challenging but reachable goals. Remember that if you push a child towards an unattainable or unrealistic goal, it will result in failure and not help build intrinsic motivation.

Together, formulate short term, medium and long term goals. These can be mapped and regularly amended. W hen goals are reached, special announcements could be made within the family. Discuss and reflect on this success when your child suffers a setback or feels demoralized.

Mind mapping

When a child feels completely overwhelmed with his studies, mapping out a subject on a large sheet of paper can help demystify it. Using headings, subheadings, illustrations and bright colors to sum up content makes it less intimidating. The summarized information can be displayed for revision purposes in a friendly way.

Family involvement

Another practical tip is making family members part of a quiz programme. From grandma to little brother,each family member is given quiz cards devised from topics that your child is currently revising. It shows that
everyone is involved in his studies and helps relieves the tedium of desk revision.

Positive thinking

When your child has set and met reasonable goals, it is important that he gains recognition and praise for them. Remind him that there are still other longer-term goals to realize. Start with the positive, then work on the constructive criticism – ‘Great writing, but perhaps you need to apply some of those great proverbs learnt last week…’ Keep everyone informed on his latest improvements and always look for the good rather than just focusing on the errors. The important thing is your response is analytical and reflects your child’s output.

Reassurance

Keep in mind that one of your child’s biggest fears is to disappoint you, his parent. Reassure him that you are all working as a team. Provide opportunities for your child to be recognized, through competitions, sports
tournaments and so on. Yet, do not push him if he is not ready for extra activities or new classes.

A strong and supportive environment is going to provide the best foundation for your child’s success. Complacency is more likely to be borne out of a child’s failure to dream of success.

Sonia, mother of two