Being a single mum means being both Mum and Dad – a daunting task to say the least. Audrey shares her experience.

My cuddly princess

At 26 years old, I became her mother while she became a kid from a single-parent family. A mistake in my life sealed her inevitable fate. E very night when she is sound asleep, I hold her tiny, tender body and take in the sweet smell of her breath and hair.

I always resolve to spend more time with her and show more consideration for her welfare. I n reality, however, I never fulfill these resolutions. I work from 8am to 5pm everyday and at night, though I am with her in the same room, my focus is elsewhere.

She stares at me hopelessly while I busy myself behind books, the computer or other distractions.
I know that in future, when she is grown up and I become old, she may not want to talk to me. But right now, she has only me in her world and is eager for my attention and company. Yet, I am indifferent to her needs.
Frankly, I am not a good mother. W hen she was less than two years old, I bought her a magnetic drawing board and played the Teletubbies on D VD to divert her attention, with the selfish hope that she can entertain herself.

From distraction to passion

Although the magnetic drawing board and the Teletubbies were really gifts from selfish motivation, they stirred in her a passion for drawing. To sustain her interest, I began to collect used paper with blank sides from the office, mail ordered various types of cartoon collections and suitable picture books from dangdang. com.

I also installed the Wizkid P ainter so she can draw with a mouse on the computer. Time passes stealthily as she finds delight and fulfillment in Calabash Kids, The Adventures of Suke and Beita, The Story of Mole, Little Mermaid, Tom and Jerry, and The Hello Kitty. Her favorite is Hello Kitty
and Christian Jolibois’ Little Hen. Probably because of their simple and lovely images, she accepted them easily. I t is so easy for kids to be contented. I t never ceases to amaze me that I can always delight her with so little effort.

After reading the cartoons and picture books, she starts to draw by herself. Bending over the small table, she usually draws for half a day. W hile drawing, she mumbles and seems to enjoy herself a lot. Rather than to simply draw, her favorite pastime is to make up stories when drawing. I t will be more apt to say that she is drawing a world in which she immerses herself in. When she was fascinated by Christian Jolibois’ Little Hen, her drawing paper was full of little hens – big,small, fat, thin, hens eating rice, hens fighting for insects, hens drinking soda, fishing hens, swinging hens, hens
sitting on stools, hens piling sand on the beach, hen with a flower on its head kissing her “boyfriend hen” because they had married.

She keeps asking me to make up stories based on her drawings. I f she is not satisfied with the story I have concocted, I have to retell it for she will cling onto me and patiently “enlighten” me until I can tell what she
anticipates.

Keeping her happy

Nowadays, I try my best to provide her with favorable conditions for her growth. For example, I have a tutor to teach her the fine arts once a week and have registered her for the middle-level training class for drawing. I continue to buy her picture albums of classical fairy tales.

Standing at the doorway looking into her beautiful world, I also want to recall the world that once belonged to me, but has long been lost. I don’t expect her to be a painter in future, neither do I plan a future for her. I just want to make sure she is happy. I love her smile. W hen she smiles, her clear eyes look like crescents and her short white teeth appear – and when she smiles, it makes me as calm as water for a while.

Audrey, mother of one

text originally written in Chinese